PS: I think my dad is great.
____________________
12/11/14
My mother, Dorothy Esther Burtch, passed away late at
night on September 11, 2014. She was just
a couple of months shy of her 83rd birthday. It has been three months since her death and
I still think about her every day. I
expect I will think about her every day of the rest of my life.
The grieving is easier now. I have had some time to gather a few thoughts
and process a couple of events that brought me peace. Grief can be so overwhelming; I am praying my
experience and these reflections can bring hope to those who feel trapped in
their grief with no sense of purpose in the wake of losing a loved one.
Mom became ill with meningitis and was hospitalized for
several days. Family members were taking
shifts throughout the days and nights so she would always have a family member
near. We were all hoping for a full
recovery and wanted to be on the spot if Mom became communicative. On Thursday, September 3rd, I took
the night shift. As my 86-year-old father was leaving to go home for the evening,
I gave him a hug and a kiss and told him “I’ve
got her tonight.” He looked up at
me, cupped my face, and told me, “She couldn’t
be in better hands.” I have never
received a higher compliment.
We moved mom the next day to another hospital so she could
be assessed neurologically. She fought
hard, but was unable to overcome the damage the meningitis had caused to her
brain and passed away the following Thursday night. I had been with her earlier that
evening. My wife and I received the news
on our way back home from my big brother, Tom.
It may have been the travel or the weeks of emotional
strain, but by the time I laid down that night, I was asleep in a matter of
minutes. The next morning when I awoke,
I recalled an extraordinarily vivid dream.
……..
In the dream, my brother Tom and I had taken Mom out of
the hospital. We took her to the
vacation lake cottage we rented several summers in our youth. Tom and I put Mom, still very weak and sick, on
a comfortable couch and told her we were going to bring her back some fresh
fish, which we both thought would make her feel better.
Tom and I had a good outing and brought back several nice
bluegills and perch. We quickly filleted the fish and brought them inside to
cook them up for Mom. When we opened the
door to proudly display our catch, we were surprised to see Mom, so frail when
we left her, sitting up on the couch.
This Mom, however, was 25-year-old Dorothy Esther Levihn
Burtch. Her skin was smooth and
perfect. She was not wearing glasses,
and she gave us a dazzling smile, just a slight crinkle in her twinkling eyes. This was still Mom, but in her glorious,
resurrected form. Whenever I picture her
now, this is the image I strive to see.
Tom and I were so stunned that we could not speak. Sensing that we were struggling, she simply
smiled broadly and graciously. Glancing
at the fish, she told us, “Thanks, but I don’t need that anymore.”
Then, she was gone.
….....
That morning, Friday, was chaotic as my family prepared
for my son’s wedding. We were preparing
for the reception, welcoming family members to town, rehearing for the wedding
and hosting the rehearsal dinner at our home.
I was still processing my dream, but had these many distractions. Saturday was also a whirlwind as the wedding
went off without a hitch, just as Mom would have wanted. The reception was an incredible celebration
of joy and family. I thought often that
night that Mom would have wanted to see the wedding and the reception, and she
found the only way to make that happen.
Exhaustion set in, and on Saturday I had another peaceful
sleep, this time with no dream of Mom.
Sunday morning included Mass and another gathering of family and friends
at our home for brunch.
That evening, the youth ministry program at our parish
(with which I volunteer) was to kick off the new year with a guest
speaker. I debated about going, but
decided it was best to keep busy to keep my mind off of the upcoming funeral,
so I headed back to church.
At the end of the program, the guest speaker asked
everyone to close their eyes and turn over whatever problem or situation was
causing anxiety in their life to God. I
have so many blessings in my life, I just closed my eyes to set a good example
in case any of the students were looking around and caught me not
participating.
I closed my eyes, and only then did think of turning over
my grief to God. Mom’s death was still so recent, and I was still processing
the loss. In my typical fashion of
dealing with this type of issue, I was working the problem out on my own---rationally
and logically. Death is a part of life. Mom lived a great life. All of the normal platitudes were playing in
my mind. I was still struggling to let
her go.
I pray often, usually several times a day. Sometimes, I wonder why. Sometimes I wonder if I am doing anyone for
whom I am praying any good. I know all
my prayers are received, and I know all of my prayers are answered, however,
the answer is not always clear to me.
The message I received that Sunday night was the clearest and swiftest
response I have ever received.
That clear response was: “I’ve got her tonight.”
I immediately thought: “She couldn’t be in better
hands.”
……..
Reflecting on my dream and all that has followed, it’s
clear to me that the best way to remember and honor Mom is by doing what she
always wanted, following the example she always set: being kind to one
another. As I picture that beautiful
image of Mom from my dream, I am reminded of her graciousness and constant
kindness. By emulating this, we can keep
her with us, honor her, and feel her presence.
Mom’s absence still leaves a hole in our lives, but I am
consoled in this grief knowing that she is in God’s hands. This is the hope we all have when we follow
and trust our loving God. We couldn’t be
in better hands.
